a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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