Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I feel great
I just peed on a car
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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