It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
