guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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