I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
