come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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