You made me cry and you don't even care
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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