Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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