cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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