Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
