We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
