Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
