Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I love you. Go after that dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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