I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
