Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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