you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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