garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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