I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
