im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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