dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
