also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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