Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
