When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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