Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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