Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
