Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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