I want to make a zoo with you.
I cockslap morals
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
