At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Boobs speak an international language.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
