sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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