So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
