honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
