i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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