so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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