the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Sext me about skeletons
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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