Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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