Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
