I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
