Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
