Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize