I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
