Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
