Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We left an ass print on the piano.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
