i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
