can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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