at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
