I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
