Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
