Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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