I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I've blown a few things in my day
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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