I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
