I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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