Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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