this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
