I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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