Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
