You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
