Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
