dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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