oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
