I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
