fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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