Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Randomize
