Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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