What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
The air taste purple.
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