My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
We have started to decorate penises.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
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