shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
