my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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