You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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