I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
