just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
