How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
