I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Banned from zoo.
Again?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
