would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
