is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
