If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I want her autograph on my taint
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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