It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
