For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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