Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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