you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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