I wish I only lived at night.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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