Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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