This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
