i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
