i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
