So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
