I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
