I need to stop coming to work sober
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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