I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
