just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
