We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
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