Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
