Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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