It's like a parade of train wrecks.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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