Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
