I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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