Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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