Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
