She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
