I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
