I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
