she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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