I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
