whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
