I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
