Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
