So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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