I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
